ON BEYOND WRONGSICK!
by SHADO Commander
Summary: Yes, another collection of even more sordid and unsettling short-short tales of the KP Cast behind the scenes,between the lines and under the covers.  But this time, the WRONGSICK is guaranteed! You'll need 16 BOTTLES OF BRAIN BLEACH for Chapter 5!
1. Bad To The Bonnie

**AN: IF YOU'RE EASILY OFFENDED, STOP READING NOW! IF YOU'RE OFFENDED BY THE IDEA OF CARTOON CHARACTERS IN ADULT SITUATIONS, STOP READING NOW! IF YOU'RE OFFENDED BY STERN WARNINGS IN ALL-CAPS_ I'll switch to italics_**_. As the title implies, most of these are going to be wrong. Some of them are going to be super-wrong. And there are a few that truly give definition to the word WRONGSICK. Like 99 BONMOTS OF KIM ON THE WALL and the 12 ANGRY KIMS segment of EVEN ODDER, this is a collection of uber-short stories written with the very tight restriction that everything HAS to be told in a maximum of two sets of sentences, each set being a line of dialog and a line of descriptive text. For some reason, I tend to go a bit twisted when working in that format. Okay, maybe I just tend to write a lot of stuff like that anyway. That said, I DO take care to toe the line at the upper edge of the M rating here, though there may be some nose-bumping on the wall (and there might be slightly worse versions of some of these over at the Haven where I usually trot them out for tweaking first. ;) ) _

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**ON BEYOND WRONGSICK**

_Truly twisted ticklers for the Kim-o-phile on the Run_

by SHADO COMMANDER

**Chapter One – Bad To The Bonnie**

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1

"YES… YES… AUUUGH!" Bonnie Rockwaller screamed in pure bliss before passing out in total sexual satisfaction after, at long last, FINALLY finding someone who could outlast her in the sack.

"Damn, I thought she was never going to finish," the last man standing groaned as he collapsed, joining Bonnie and the other 67 spent and exhausted naked Wegos in the huge sweaty pile.

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2

"I can't believe you snuck this into my contract and I can't believe I didn't notice it!" Shego growled in disgust as she lay naked on the table, covered in oil.

"Who wants medium rare?" Drakken yelled to the line of eager Henchmen assembled for the annual Henchmen Appreciation Picnic as he scooped the latest set of sizzling hamburger patties off Shego's bare stomach, thereby saving a fortune on charcoal briquettes.

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3

Looking up with her wide almond eyes, Yori paused for just a moment. "Truthfully, Ron-san, I have heard of the 'French Kiss' of course, but this 'American Kiss' is something of which I have not heard… but as you are leaving Yamanouchi to return to your own school, it is my wish for you to teach me so that I may send you off in the manner in which you are accustomed."

"It will be my honor," Ron sighed in pleasure as Yori unzipped his zipper and 'kissed' away… though he did suspect that the usual 'strange American sense of humor' excuse probably wasn't going to quite cut it once she eventually figured things out.

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4

"Yeah, I used to be into the villainy thing but I found that this was MUCH more profitable," Camille Leon smiled as she escorted a pleased Shego to the door…

Opening the entrance to let the green woman out of her bedroom/office and looking at the long line of eager customers waiting for her… Drakken, Duff Killigan, Dementor, Monkey Fist, Jack Hench, even Frugal Lucre and Nanny Nane… Camille didn't bother to leave her 'Kim' form, because that was what they were all here for, and yelled "Who gets to do me next, please and thank you?"

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5

"And then Cherise told Carmen that Bob had been seeing another woman who she'd met at the office, so Cherise hired a friend of Jim's to follow Bob, but it turned out that he and Bob were actually gay lovers and the two of them were involved in a plot to con Cherise out of her family fortune…" Big Daddy Brotherson took a deep breath, his voice almost worn raw from the constant talking.

But… DNAmy's cable had gone out for a week and she was paying good money for a full synopsis of ALL of her favorite shows, including As The Worm Squirms, so he continued. "Meanwhile, Mary and Janice had gone to Vegas, where they ran into Rodrigo…"

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6

Yori's physical strain was obvious from the tension in her voice and the erratic nature of her breathing. "Truly… I… urf… do not see… how this will be… a… a… practical skill… for a ninja such as I to have."

"Trust me Yori, if you can master this ability, you will be surprised to find how both men and women will willingly do whatever you ask," Sensei huffed, attempting to disguise the motions going on within his own kimono as he watched the nimble young girl actually succeed in licking her own womanhood.

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7

"Oh, THAT," Kim grinned, as she dropped to the floor in a headstand and pulled off her own shorts and panties using only her own toes, then impossibly bent in on herself like a folding chair so that her back was on the floor as she ran her own long pink tongue in a slow dancing erotic motion around her other set of lips in a way that proved beyond doubt that she could go far deeper if she so chose.

"No wonder you're always so goddamn perky," Shego gasped in admiration, accepting for once and all time that Kim really could do anything… even herself.

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8

"Oh my gosh, it's tingling, it's tingling!" the young Shego groaned as she thrashed back and forth in pleasure at the completely unexpected sensation.

"Ef you think that vas stimulating, you're in for a shock when I really turn up ze juice," Electronique zinged as she turned up the power on her vibrating strap on to 'lethal' and moved in for the kill.

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9

Josh Mankey came to the front entrance irritably, his 'boys in tight speedos' magazine still curled in one hand as he swung open the door and greeted the scowling blond standing there with an even scowlier expression. "Sorry lady, I'm not buying anything and I don't want to hear about your personal preference in religious deities."

Ignoring his every word, Justine Flanner simply pushed him aside as she stepped in the door and began removing her clothes. "Look, I don't like this either Mankey, and for the record I'm even less interested in what's between your legs than you are in what's between mine, but there's some weird Kim Possible fan creating a 'JoJu Lemon' fanfic about us and the sooner we get this exchange of bodily fluids over with, the sooner we can go back home and try and forget about all the disgusting things we're about to do with each other's repugnant genitalia."

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10

"What, haven't you ever heard of 'Friends with Benefits,' KP?" Ron demanded.

"I don't think it's supposed to cross species lines," Kim gasped, her mind unable to grasp the concept of the back half of Rufus sticking out of Ron's rear end.

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11

"You… YOU'RE Electronique's new partner?" Kim gasped in shock as her new opponent finally unveiled her self.

"Hey, I've always been a bit of a bad girl, she's one of the few villains in this whole universe with any fashion sense and our names rhyme… I'd call that kismet, and you are SOL girlfriend," Monique grinned as she unloaded 16,000 volts from her Mo-Voltage-Electro-Cannon into Kim's gut.

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12

"Do you think anyone will ever figure out that we reverse engineered these things?" Jim Possible wondered rhetorically.

"Not as long as we keep remembering to tell Sis here to forget everything once we're done with her," Tim replied, tapping the mind control chip on Kim's forehead as he took one end and Jim took his turn on the other.

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13

Kim's gaze could barely meet Monique's in the eye, but she had to tell her friend eventually. "Well, we were investigating this scummy movie studio, but the thing is, everyone thought because of our names that we were… and I guess they ARE kind of…"

"And we figured, y'know, we're young and starting out and could use a little cash so…" Ron blushed as he pulled out a copy of their first film as porn stars… WHAT THE NAKED MOLERAT SAW.

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14

Tara's voice was uneven but that had a lot more to do with the alcohol that reeked on her breath than the fact that she'd been pulled over for driving wildly erratically down the sidewalks of Middleton Avenue. "That's right, the LAST officer said I had to take a special breathalyzer test to make sure I really wasn't drunk, and then he pulled down his zipper and told me I might have to do it for a while but after a bit he said it was okay and that I obviously wasn't drunk and could go on home so I don't understand why you're pulling me over now!"

Officer Hobbie looked from driver's license in his hand to the blonde and ditzy teenager's face and wondered how much liquor she'd consumed at the frat party they'd been pulling kids over from all night, that she'd actually bought that lame story. "Oh, I'm sorry miss, but it turned out that there was an error in the readings on his unit, so if you don't mind, you'll have to take that test again… hold on while I unzip my… er… breathalyzer."

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15

Mr. Paisley looked at Kim nervously as she read his lawyer's legal analysis. "So as you can see, after you did such a wonderful job saving me from the McHenry laser grid, I went back and read your site carefully, and once I did..."

"Yeah, I guess you're right sir, it does say that," Kim Possible sighed, dropping to her knees in front of the man's waiting zipper since, after all, saying that she could do anything DID technically include 'anyone,' and how hard could this throating thing actually be anyway?

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16

"Whoa, Kim, calm down… what do you mean 'you'll kill them?'" Ron asked in a panic, unable to understand how his girlfriend could have gone from intense passion to furious anger in the course of a few seconds.

"I just figured out what the Tweebs have been using for the froth on their new Mad Dog costumes," Kim snarled, holding up her diaphragm and an empty can of contraceptive foam.

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17

"You want me to tell you where WHAT is?" Big Daddy Brotherson stared at the person in front of him in shock.

The blonde youth shrugged his shoulders and pulled out some extremely intimate photos that had obviously been taken while the subject was asleep. "Like I said, I've been trying and trying to find Kim's G-spot, and I've finally admitted that I need outside help."

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18

Shego, speaking for herself, Camille Leon, Adrena Lynn and Electronique, narrowed her eyes at the new applicant. "Okay, the Seniors vouching for you is good, but if you want to join the League of Evil Hotties, Rockwaller, you've got to show us proof of something REALLY evil that you've done."

Bonnie Rockwaller smiled and laid out the evidence that would soon earn her a standing ovation… "As it happens, I was aware of a molecular bonding agent developed by Dementor, and I was able to convince him to make a new 'Bondo-ball' in the exact shape of Kim Possible's favorite vibrator…"

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19

"OMG Kim, what happened to you?" Monique gasped as Kim walked into Club Banana wearing nothing but two post-it notes on her nipples and a 5X7 index card held over her frontal naughty region with several strips of clear scotch tape.

"Fricking animator went home for the day before he drew my clothes on," Kim grumbled, picking up a T shirt and a pair of shorts and hoping she had enough credit to cover underwear as well.

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20

With the graduation beach party left behind them, Ron and Kim steered the flying car to Hotel Sordid with the express intent of finally ridding themselves of their Disney mandated virginity… but once they were actually there and Ron was getting undressed in the bathroom, he had a sudden horrifying attack of nerves about his ability to perform up to the expectations of the girl who could do anything. "Hey Kim… um… what if I don't know what to do?"

When Kim only responded with a giggle, Ron got up his courage and stepped back into the hotel bedroom proper… only to find that the huge bed had been sprinkled with tortilla chips, in the center of which was a naked and grinning Miss Possible covered from head to toe with a coating of liquid cheese. "Don't worry Ron, just do what comes naturally and remember what you're supposed to do with _anything_ that looks like a Naco."

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_**Ye Old Legal stuff:**__ Kim Possible, Shego, Bonnie Rockwaller, the Wegos, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Yori, Master Sensei, Electronique, Dr. Drakken, Camille Leon, __Duff Killigan, Professor Dementor, Monkey Fist, Jack Hench, Frugal Lucre, Nanny Nane,__ DNAmy, Big Daddy Brotherson, Josh Mankey, Justine Flanner, Mr. Paisley, Jim and Tim Possible, Monique, Tara, Officer Hobbie, Adrena Lynn, the Seniors and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…_


	2. Awkweirdly Last Summer

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**ON BEYOND WRONGSICK**

_Fifteen MORE Kim-Kwickies_

by SHADO COMMANDER

**Chapter Two – Awkweirdly Last Summer**

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1

Ron raised his hands defensively. "Look, they're both consenting adults and it's the only hetero ship I like, so what's wrong with it?"

Kim wrinkled her nose in utter disgust as she looked at the dozens of stained drawings she'd accidentally uncovered beneath Ron's bed. "It's Rainbowdash in chains being done by Eeyore in leather, Ron... that's what's wrong with it!"

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2

With an embarrassed sigh, a mission suit-less Kim Possible stepped out of the bushes to confront the green villain with furious scowl, since that was literally all she was wearing. "Okay, Shego, I give… I've tracked you down here and followed you around all week, first the topless beach and now this nudist colony, but I have no idea what you're up to."

"Getting you naked," a cheerful Shego grinned.

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3

"Okay, THAT'S disturbing," Kim gulped as her inadvertent wrong turn into Shego's section of Drakken's lair had turned up the fact that the green woman's bedsheets were decorated with a life-size nude photograph of Kim… an actual, accurate down to the smallest detail photo that she could have only obtained one way.

Then Ron's voice called from the bathroom. "No… I think DISTURBING is this rubber life cast of your vagina that she's got soaking in warm water in here."

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4

Tara suddenly looked up at Kim in shock as something suddenly clicked. "Hey wait, did you ask me if I was lesbian or a thespian?"

Kim managed to pull her eyes back down to the blond who was currently giving incredibly good 'lip service' between Kim's thighs. "Don't worry, just finish what you're doing and we can talk about the commercial for Ron's new restaurant later."

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5

"Ew, you mean you really give Brick a blow-job before AND after every game?" Kim gaped at Bonnie.

The darker girl simply shrugged. "Eh, to be honest, he's done so many steroids that it's more like using a chapstick than choking a salami."

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6

Drakken peered at the device in confusion. "I don't understand… exactly what does the blaze orange and glowing yellow mean, Shego?"

Putting the pregnancy test back on the table, a glowering Shego began to roll up her sleeves, "What it means, 'Doc,' is that A –we've apparently discovered a side effect to my comet powers that no one suspected, B – that the weird 'dream' I had about you humping me after I got sloshed at the Christmas party wasn't a dream and C – that I'm about to prevent Junior here from ever having full siblings via the forceful application of a full plasma neutering."

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7

"Excuse me Kimmie cub, but your mother says…." Dr. James Possible found his voice cutting off in shock as he opened the door to his daughter's bedroom to see Kim hanging upside down from the ceiling, naked and bound Shibari style, while a pale green woman wearing only a red-heart tattoo with the letters 'I heart KP' emblazoned on her ass was forcing the suspended hero to do something with her tongue just below the pubic bone while simultaneously lashing her with what appeared to be cat 0' nine tails.

Fortunately, the girls were too caught up in what they were doing to notice him, so he backed quickly out of the room and went back downstairs to where his wife was waiting at the table along with his twin sons. "I believe we should go ahead and proceed with dinner just for the four of us, dear… Kim's already eaten and seemed rather tied up."

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8

On the occasion of signing her third contract renewal, Shego finally got up the nerve to ask. "You know, Doc, I've been wondering… exactly where DO you get the money to fund all these crazy schemes of yours."

To her surprise, the blue man blushed. "Well, if you must know, I work for the Abstinence Program for a group of extremely conservative private schools… they hire Monkey Fist and myself to come in and claim that I got this way from unmarried sex while Fiske got his mutated limbs from masturbation."

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9

"Er… I believe you mean that you want crotchless panties, dearie," the snooty salesperson at Brittina's Secret sneered at the woman across the counter… a sneer that was wiped off her face as the woman's green hand flew across the counter and yanked her into a close encounter of the Shego kind.

But rather than beating the woman senseless, the green villain simply whispered softly so that one one else in the store could hear. "No, I mean BUTT-less panties, and you'd understand why if every time you pooted a fart, you vaporized everything it comes into contact with except your special flame proof catsuit… so are you going to take my special order or not?"

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10

"But why NOT?" Ron Stoppable pouted.

The venerable Sensei looked disapprovingly at the apparently extremely challenged young man who had somehow been chosen to carry the title of the Monkey Master.

"Because, Stoppable-kun, the Lotus Blade is an ancient and holy artifact, and using it for any purpose besides battle is an insult to its honorable heritage… even if it's ability to change size and shape at your command DOES make it the best butt-plug you've ever had."

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11

"Mr. Barkin… you… here?" Ron gasped as he came out of the private room from his own weekly visit.

"I just think of it as the ultimate form of substitution, Stoppable" Steve Barkin grunted as he took the ten ounce vial filled with his own semen back up to the front of the Middelton Sperm Bank for deposit and cold storage.

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12

Senor Senior Sr. tore at his hair and shrieked at his imbecilic son. "I want you to be evil, Junior, EVIL… and that is just perverted!"

"But Father, I did not ask her permission and she is underage, is that not evil?" Senor Senior Jr. protested as he continued to have sexual intercourse with the VERY unhappy goat.

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13

"I don't understand, why is this the only Bueno Nacho in town that has this amazing Nemesden Sauce?" Ron asked as he ordered another round of his new favorite treat.

"Er, just test marketing it, I guess," Ned smiled, happily preparing himself for slipping into the back room and wanking off another helping of 'cream of Ned' for the bastard who'd walked away with Kim Possible, the girl Ned had always secretly loved.

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14

"It really bothers me, the way everyone keeps staring at you just because you're green," Kim growled as saw how the people behind them all seemed have their eyes riveted on herself and Shego as they walked along the beach in Rio in their tiny thong bikinis.

"Oh, that's not what they're looking at," Shego smirked, biting her tongue and wondering when she should tell Kim that what people were actually staring at were all the 'sunburned' handprints covering the redhead's back and ass, something of which Kim was still completely unaware but which their brief swim attire made all too visible to anyone with a rear-wards view.

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15

"Honestly, they were always pretty overbearing, but I think it was that history report she had to do that finally sent her over the edge," Kim sighed as she helped Officer Hobbie and the other police officers set up the crime scene tape around the site of the most gruesome crime in the history of Middleton.

Even creepier, though, was perpetrator's singing as the as the detectives led the naked and blood splattered girl away: "Bonnie Rockwaller took an axe, and gave her sister forty whacks, and when she saw what she had done… she gave the other forty one!"

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_**Ye****Old****Legal****stuff:** Kim Possible, Shego, Bonnie Rockwaller, Ron Stoppable, Brick Flagg, Master Sensei, Dr. Drakken, Monkey Fist, Drs. James and Anne Possible, Jim and Tim Possible, Tara, Officer Hobbie,Bueno Nacho Ned, Senor Senior Sr. & Jr. and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Eeyore created by A.A. Milne. Rainbowdash character a trademark of Hasbro. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…_


	3. KimDay The 13th!

_**Author**__**'**__**s**____**Note:**_ _There__will__be__no__Author__'__s__Note__for__this__story.__Oh..__wait.__Nevermind.__Legal__at__Bottom._

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**ON BEYOND WRONGSICK**

by SHADO COMMANDER

_And the body count continues with thirteen more Kimmie-Kut-Ups_

**Chapter Three – Kim-Day the 13th!**

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1

The psychologist looked at the pale young girl sitting across from him, a girl who was justifiably bitter about literally turning green due the strange radiation that she and her brothers had been exposed to… but it was his job to make her see the bright side of her strange predicament. "So, Shego, did you think about the assignment I gave you last time and come up with something GOOD that will happen as a result of your new powers?"

The girl gave him a snide roll of the eyes and with one glowing hand indicated the bandages covering the upper part of her left lip to the top of her left nostril. "Yeah, it's going to make giving up picking my nose a hell of a lot easier."

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2

"So, yeah, they've got me playing mostly nekkid Orion slave girls in the new Trek films," Shego sighed as she and Kim swapped stories after unexpectedly meeting in a rather dubious Hollywood bar.

Kim gave her former arch-rival (who was looking more and more attractive with each Margarita she downed) a sympathetic nod, then dumped out her own tale of woe. "Yeah, well at least people can see your face… thanks to my fricking Disney contract I still owe the Mouse another hundred days of work, and since that fish-bitch Ariel has decided she won't transform to human anymore, they've got me working as her nude body double for all the sex scenes in LITTLE MERMAID 9: SMELLS LIKE TUNA."

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3

Irritably, Drew Lipsky, aka Dr. Drakken, tugged at the uncomfortable hairpiece on his chin as he looked at his equally jaded partner. "I hate to admit it, but I really miss back when we had to fight Kim Possible every week instead of… THIS."

Sighing, Electronique merely nodded in resignation as she adjusted her blonde Smurfette wig and dropped down to her knees in front of him as Drakken dropped his pants on the set of SMURF-PORN 16. "Golly Papa Smurf, is this the magic flute we've heard so much about?"

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4

Dr. Anne Possible lay on the hotel bed, sweat drenched and steaming after yet another incredible session of 'afternoon delight,' but as drained as she was there was something she had to say. "We need to be more careful… James came by the hospital to surprise me for lunch yesterday and I had to concoct a quick story about having run out to buy a present for a colleague who's leaving."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry too much about your husband getting wise… I mean, he still hasn't figured out that Kim isn't his daughter after all these years, right?" Clark Kent smiled as he started to pull his pants back on... then thought better of it and slid back into the bed for one more round.

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5

"Okay boys, that's enough warm-up with Pinkie Pie and Coconut Cream, it's time for your big scene with Knight Shade!" Director Joss Possible ordered from her control booth at Dog And Pony Show Productions.

"This sucks, seriously," Motor Ed said with a resigned sigh as he and Will Du dropped their pants and waited with trembling hindquarters as the large mechanical RoboPony of Knight Shade with its truly terrifying thirty inch hydraulic male appendage was rolled into position on the set of 'BRONIE BOYS DO CANTERLOT.'

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6

Once Bonnie started dating Senor Senior Junior, the other cheerleaders were surprisingly quick to follow suit, with Hope revving up Motor Ed's engines, Jessica going clubbing with Duff Killigan and Crystal forming a deep relationship with Aviarius, who, as she said "May be twice my age, but his bird fixation means he knows how to lay a girl properly and he can do amazing tricks with his pecker."

However, it was generally agreed that it was Tara who had scored the real jackpot, as while her new beau wasn't much of a conversationalist, she was quick to admit: "You'd be amazed at the things a Monkey Ninja can do with a banana and that prehensile tail!"

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7

"I don't understand dear, I took a Viagra!" Mr. Stoppable stammered.

"Well, it seems that not all of you can work anywhere, Mr. Actuary," Mrs. Stoppable growled, crawling down from the top of their new refrigerator, which was the only surface in the Stoppable household upon which they hadn't had sex, and headed for the closet where her back up option was cleverly hidden in a box labeled 'office supplies- dicta-phone.'

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8

"It's impossible… there's no way I could be beaten!" Shego gasped in shock as, for the first time since she'd started competing, the grand prize at the Go City Blue Flamers Fart lighting contest looked destined to go to somebody else.

A smirking Ron Stoppable, whose mind-boggling 19 foot blue geyser had put even Shego's 14 foot plasma far to shame, grinned at the green villain. "Twenty seven bean, cabbage, cauliflower and cheese nacos with a corn and egg salad chaser, but if you think THAT was something, wait 'til Kim has her shot… she matched me bite for bite and SHE'S lactose intolerant!"

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9

Dr. Anne Possible opened her front door to be confronted by four bizarre creatures that resembled the muppet 'monsters' from Sesame Street, each ranging between five and six feet tall, and while the black and blue, black and green and yellow ones looked vaguely familiar, there was no mistaking the olive eyes of the red one, or the deeply muffled voice that came out from beneath the thick layers of hair. "Mom, if you were stealing a HYPER-pilatory ray from the Hair Club for Mad Scientists, wouldn't you assume that it was the OPPOSITE of a depilatory ray?"

Dumbfounded, Anne could only nod yes, then winced as the black and green one smacked the black and blue one over the head with a loud 'thok!' "See, I TOLD you, you dimwit, and for that you get to be the first to test what happens when we drop you in a bathtub filled with Nair!"

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10

Shego glared at the redhead, who despite having shown up at the scene of the break-in seemed un-inclined to actually close for combat today. "Whatsamatter Kimmie, you got something up your butt or do you just not want to fight today?"

"Well, actually, I was kind of in the middle of something, so yeah," Kim admitted, dropping her pants and pulling a huge black and green butt-plug out of her anus, the sight so stunning Shego that she never even noticed when the teen hero had secured the green woman's wrists and ankles with a pair of very non-regulation furry black handcuffs and an even less orthodox spreader bar.

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11

Barkin's face was perfectly straight as he defended his actions. "Look, after Kim and Ron left and we all realized that the series was really over, the beach party started to get a little rowdy and out of control, so I felt it was my duty to step in and make sure everyone had a focus, that's all."

The superintendent's face was equally straight. "Perhaps, but be that as it may, attempting to set a new record for the number of animated couples shown simultaneously in sexual intercourse while you 'punished' the 'bad girls' with the volleyball net, an octopus and the head of the Middleton MadDog mascot costume, is hardly the kind of behavior we expect of one of our teachers… so we're promoting you to the position of MISD's regional intramural activities director and want you to start planning our next faculty holiday party immediately."

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12

Wade's eyes were nervous and his tone panicked over the speaker of the Kimmunicator. "Kim, we all know that you believe that anything is Possible for a Possible, but I REALLY think you might be digging yourself in too deep this time.

Kim merely shrugged off Wade's warning… Ron was depending on her… and then, naked and covered in the blood of the freshly sacrificed chicken, raised her arms and uttered the fateful words: "ARISE UNDEAD CORPSE OF RUFUS, ARISE!"

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13

"R… rufus?" Ron gasped in wonder, having returned home to find his little dead buddy somehow miraculously alive and sitting on his bed.

Or maybe not so miraculously, he realized, as Zombie Rufus sprang for his throat and the last thing Ron Stoppable heard was a tiny, high pitched voice repeating the same two words over and over again: "Head cheeeese…. Heaadd cheeeese…."

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_**Ye****Old****Legalstuff:** Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Wade Load, Mr. & Mrs. Sto ppable, Dr. Drakken, Electronique, Motor Ed, Will Du, Joss Possible, Bonnie Rockwaller, Senor Senior Jr., Hope, Jessica, Crystal, Tara, Duff Killigan, Aviarius, the Monkey Ninjas, Mr. Barkin, Drs. Anne and James Possible and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations, as are the names Ariel and Disney's The Little Mermaid, although LITTLE MERMAID 9: SMELLS LIKE TUNA does not exist. Pinkie Pie, Coconut Cream and Knight Shade characters all trademarks of Hasbro. Clark Kent property of DC Comics, a TimeWarner Company. Sesame Street is a trademark of The Children's Television Workshop. Papa Smurf and Smurfette created by Satan.. er, Peyo (original title: Les chtroumpfs,) Animation Produced by Hanna-Barbera Productions, a Time Warner Company, in association with SEPP International S.A. If there is a SMURF-PORN 16, don't tell me, I don't want to know. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…_


	4. Blue Moons, Black Holes & A Green Sitch

_**Author's Note: **Yes, I'm still writing these. It's an obsession. Legal at bottom.._

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**ON BEYOND WRONGSICK**

by SHADO COMMANDER

**Chapter Four – Blue Moons, Black Holes and a Mean Green Sitch**

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1

"Yes, yes, we see this a lot with you young Disney types… an unfortunate side effect of the censors forbidding anyone to tell you about the real facts of life while you're growing up on-camera, and no one thinking to go back and fill you in on the stuff you missed once the camera's are off." The Emergency Room Doctor smiled at the nearly naked Kim Possible, whose heroic young charms were just barely concealed by the half-buttoned shirt that was all she'd had time to throw on in her mad race to the hospital from Cheer Camp.

Kim sighed and looked at Tara, who was in turn looking at Ron inside the oxygen tent, where his skin had finally returned to its normal pink color after having turned almost blue. "It's just so embarrassing sir, but in the future I think they'll remember that it's the OTHER head that the condom goes over.

2

"THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS SHIT!" Shego screamed, grabbing her shrieking blue employer, carrying him over her head into the so-called facilities of the incredibly cheap lair he'd expected her to clean up all by her fucking herself due to 'budget cuts' and flung him bodily through the crudely cut round hole in the plywood seat of what could only generously be called an indoor outhouse.

Having finally decided to eliminate the great blue poop from her life, she decided to further punctuate the matter by defecating on said azure excrement, and it was only at the end of the most incredibly enjoyable and productive crap, piss and fart session of her life that she finally heard the meek little voice echoing coming from deep within the odoriferous bowels of the latrine: "Shego, turds hurt you know!"

3

"You're a bad, bad, bad, BAD girl!" Kim Possible… wearing nothing but huge green strap on and nine inch heeled boots… shouted as she used the butt of her cat of nine tails to discipline her equally nearly naked partner.

Shego, wearing only a gimp mask and the custom plasma-proof armbinders that secured her hands behind her back, merely shrugged as they walked back down the sidewalk to their parked car. "Okay, so I got some things mixed up, but on the bright side the Training And Restraint Association's annual party is tomorrow so we didn't miss anything and no one will EVER be able to complain that Tara's baby shower was dull or uneventful."

4

Totally, puzzled, Tara once again took off all her clothes, made sure she was within the focus area of her webcam, and sat on the edge of her bed provocatively with her legs spread wide. "Do I really have to do this every time to get the special pricing?"

"Absolutely ma'am, Glamazon has to make sure that you're really who you say you our for 'Get Your Order for 1/10th percent price' deal and with today's technology, a scan of identifiable body makings is the only 100% positive way," a disguised Wade Load responded promptly, his huge fake mustache covering the broad grin he'd had on his face ever since he'd hacked into Kim's attractive blonde friend's computer and convinced her that he was a super-discount online vendor with ridiculously unbeatable prices… whereas, in fact, he just paid full price for everything with a tiny fraction of the spectacular income her earned from the 'Tara-Tease' erotic webcam website he'd set up with his now enormous collection of photos.

5

"Now remember, first we saw Barney the dinosaur go in there, then Ziro the Hutt showed up and next it was the McDonald's Grimace…" Wego # 1's voice dropped off as yet another party came sneaking down the hall at the No-Tell Motel, where Team Go's lack of funds had forced them to stay while attending the National Animation and Merchandising Bit-players League of Associated Chararacter's (NAMBLAC) bi-annual convention in Portland.

As they stealthily watched Tinky Winky slip into Mego's room as well, and heard the off color giggling, laughter and show tune music coming from inside, Wego # 2 could only shake his head in amazement at his twin. "Okay, you win… maybe there really is something to that whole thing about purple colored characters after all."

6

Dressed in his best black t-shirt and with a fresh coat of "No More Grey for Blondes" on his mullet, Motor Ed patted the empty seat beside him as he drove his newly restored pink and purple Edsel slowly alongside the woman of his dreams… much to the irritation of the long line of drivers backing up behind him. "Aw, quit playing so hard to get and hop in Green… this ride is a seriously major pussy-wagon and you know it!"

"Yeah, but too bad it's already got a seriously major pussy in it," Shego fired back as she walked away with a dismissive smirk.

7

"It's just that Brick is such a picky eater,' Bonnie pleaded with what she hoped was a desperate expression.

"Well, okay, I guess I can understand that you'd want to be sure of how it tastes in actual use," Tara finally agreed and as Bonnie watched in delight as her friend stripped down, lay on the bed and began applying samples of the kiwi-flavored love gel to the 'appropriate areas' so for 'taste-testing,' it was clear that phase one of Operation Lesbos was go and now all BonBon had to do was come up with a semi-convincing reason for the blonde to let her 'test-drive' her new strap-on as well…

8

"Sorry Doc, but this is a new low even for you and I'm not going against anyone with that kind of financial resources," Shego growled to her nominal employer..

"But they were CLEARLY making fun of me in their act," Drakken whined, ignoring the glares from the three slightly charred blue mimes and six dozen audience members who were all pressing charges after his 'accidental' release of anti-matter at the Blue Man Group matinee.

9

"Fear not young maiden, I have come at last!" Hego announced to the quivering blonde.

"Then for God's sake, get off of me so I can breathe," the bewigged and mostly in drag Drakken grunted in falsetto, incredibly thankful that his secret mission to collect sperm samples from the incredibly unobservant dumb blue ox had gone off without the inconvenience of the dim-witted hero noticing that the 'hot chick' he'd just scored with actually had a penis and testicles.

10

"What the… a tie and two pairs of socks?" Shego puzzled as she looked up from her just unwrapped gift to stare at her girlfriend in confusion.

"Oh shit," Kim gasped, now all too aware of why her father had been looking at her so strangely during the family get-together earlier and where the present that SHOULD have been in the green vixen's package… a homemade coupon for 'Fifty Hours of Great Oral Sex' had gone.

11

"When my contract comes up for renegotiation this clause is definitely coming out!" Shego growled in disgust.

"Hey, it's your fault for not looking at the fine print specifying what 'employee will wear appropriate apparel in accordance with employer's preferred holiday traditions' meant," Drakken grinned as he placed the angel on top of Shego's head while the irritated villainess was preoccupied with keep the wires, electric lights and other ornaments draped around her naked body from coming loose and exposing her to all the henchmen gathered for the traditional 'Rated XXXMas YuleTide Bash and Hanu-Kegger.'

12

"You've been a bad boy, and I warned you… so into the black hole you go!" Mr. Dr. Possible leered.

"Oh, just put it in honey," a sweating Dr. Ann Possible sighed as James came in for a 'docking maneuver' with the 'alternate access hatch,' wishing her husband would come up with a different euphemism and wondering when their daughter would finally catch on as to what he was really talking about doing to her boyfriends.

13

"Okay, maybe I wasn't so great, but you have admit I'm blue," Drakken whimpered as the mighty green female warrior Warmonga crawled naked out of the bed and stared skeptically at his tiny, shriveled and thoroughly intimidated male member.

In response, the alien battle no-longer-a-maiden merely picked up her battle fork and unlatched the hidden catch so that it unfolded and separated into an individual knife, fork and spoon. "It matters not in any case, for having completed the mating ritual, I must now, as custom requires, slay, eat and devour he who has inseminated me… would you prefer the knife or shall I just bite off your head?"

14

"Kim, have you seen my… GREAT JUMPING GOSHAROOTIES!" Ron squealed like a little girl after opening the door to the hotel room he'd seen Kim slipping into earlier.

A cigarette dangling from her lip, Kim looked up from one of her mother's copies of Basic Surgery for Beginners halfway through the act of removing the unconscious girl in the ice-filled tub… Bonnie's… left kidney and heard the sound of her illicit cheerleader organ brokerage flitting away. "Well, I guess THAT blows my good girl image, huh?"

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_**Ye Old Legal stuff:** Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Wade Load, Mr. & Mrs. Stoppable, Dr. Drakken, Warmonga, Motor Ed, Bonnie Rockwaller, Tara, Hego, Mego, the Wegos, Brick Flagg, Drs. Anne and James Possible and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. The Grimace is the property of and a trademark of McDonalds, Zito the Hutt is a property and trademark of Lucasfilm and Barney the Purple Dinosaur is the property and trademark of HiT Entertainment. EDIT: Twinky Winky was created by Anne Wood and Andrew Davenport, and is __the property and a trademark of Ragdoll Productions and the BBC... and you just try suing us, Mr. Tee Nguyen Kee (yes, we know your real name,) and we'll publish those photos of what you **really** carry around in that purse of yours! Somehow I don't think the Energizer Bunny would like that at all, would he? _Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…


	5. 16 Bottles of Brain Bleach won't be

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SIXTEEN BOTTLES OF BRAIN BLEACH (won't be enough)

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1

The air was like ice inside the cave and the rough surface of the stone floor hurt her back, but as Kim listened to the howling winds outside and reflected on what had transpired once they'd stripped off their soaking wet mission gear, she felt warmed to the core and was so VERY glad that they'd chosen to take refuge in the velvety shadows rather than take their chances outside in the pouring monsoon. "Mmmmm Ron, I always suspected you might feel that way about me, but I guess you did have to wait until we were alone in a place where not even Wade could see us in order to actually do something about it, huh?"

Passionately close, Ron's voice floated out of the pitch black darkness in a husky stammer: "Uh… does that mean that it wasn't one of the portable battery packs that you helped me stick the cigarette lighter adapter for my mp3 player into…?"

2

"THE HORRORRRAAaaaaaaaa!" Ron screamed as he ran out the seedy nightclub that he'd stealthily snuck into with a fake ID earlier… along with most of the other paying customers.

"Hey, the sign promises you'll see more ass than you've ever seen in your life, and we deliver, Kid," Vinnie Wheeler grinned, pocketing Ron's twenty bucks as his partner, Sumo Ninja, finished the last of his five nude head stands with leg splits, then went to retrieve his loin cloth.

3

Kim looked at Monique with a puzzled expression. "I thought you were supposed to keep them in for three weeks after you first get them and that I'd just gotten a mild infection."

A bit disturbed but at the same time relieved about having finally discovered why her friend's teeth had been chattering non-stop since their sleepover the previous weekend, Monique could only sigh. "That's earrings, not vibrators, Kim."

4

"What are you… no… no… AUGH!" Mr. Barkin screamed in disbelief as the razor sharp knife plunged over and over into his neck and torso, each thrust splattering an even wider arc of blood across the wide expanse of tropical foliage before the educator's eyes finally went dull and his massive body fell over with one last spasmodic quiver and went forever silent.

Ron Stoppable grimaced as he wiped his knife off on the dead teacher's shirt before starting the butchering process, it being imperative that he keep the blade from rusting given that he had no idea how long they'd be stranded on this island where the cheer team's plane had crashed. "Sorry, Mr. Barkin, but I've got a craving for a Naco like you wouldn't believe, and since the nearest Bueno Nacho is a couple of thousand miles away, I'll just have to make do with the nearest available substitute."

5

"That… that… will give me nightmares for years," Kim moaned as the cold cup of coffee that had been thrown in her face brought her back around.

Dr. Director nodded gravely as she returned her 'World's Greatest Head Of A Secret Organization' mug to her desk, then slid her eyepatch back over so that it covered her bad eye once more. "And that is why we need you to find the source of the Motor Ed, Senior Senior Jr. and Big Daddy Brotherson three-way sex tape and destroy all copies."

6

"That is NOT my vibrator!" Bonnie protested as the other cheerleaders all stood around to gape at the 19 inch long purple and green studded monstrosity that had been revealed when the door to the tan cheerleader's locker had mysteriously fallen off.

Kim reassuringly put one hand on Bonnie's shoulder, and in a surprising show of support that almost made it to the end of the sentence, replied sweetly: "Don't worry Bon-Bon, we all know that one's obviously WAY too small for you."

7

"Oh wait, that's a 'W,' not an 'H," Ron exclaimed.

"We figured that out dear," a wide-eyed Mrs. Stoppable gurgled, covering the eyes of the younger family members as Ron hastily removed 'SNOWMAN WANK & THE NAUGHTY CARROT' from the DVD player.

8

James Possible looked up from the insanely long bill and fixed his furiously blushing daughter in the cobra-like focus of his beady eyes. "No dear, the itemized billing on the Pay Per View statement clearly shows that it was the DVR in your room that ordered 'Dykes in Chains' 1, 2, 3 and 5, as well as 'Cunning Linguists,' 'Naughty Nuns,' and 'Naked Ladies Wrestling,' number 1 thru 27, and I think your mother and I are being more than fair in not asking questions about your recent viewing habits, and simply adding the $127.00 bill you've racked up to your rent."

Meanwhile, in the tree outside Kim's window, a smirking green figure read from the monthly programming guide as she punched the timer buttons on the hacked Hot-Dish remote control she'd hot-glued to a convenient branch. "Now let's see, tonight Kimmie's gonna be watching 'Lesbians in Latex,' "Beat Me BiSexually" and then… ooooo… 'She Goes Down Squared,' and then…"

9

Sensei's eyes were cold and stern as he eyed the shibari-bound female ninja before him, her lithe, naked body suspended in a twisted position of penitence by ornately tied strands of silken ninja rope as she awaited his judgment. "I am sorry, Yori-chan, but of all the Yamanouchi sent to the tournament, it was you alone who failed to achieve your goal."

Yori raised her tear filled eyes, the pain not from the bonds or fear of the punishment to come, but from the shame of having failed her ninja brethren. "I accept this punishment without excuses Sensei, for while I did hesitate for just a second… it was in that second that Team Rocket's Nyarth took down my Jigglypuff and thus brought dishonor upon our entire clan."

10

"I don't know why I never thought of this before, but I certainly don't need YOU anymore," DNAmy giggled as she tossed all of her old Cuddle Buddies out the back door and into the trash.

"Now come to Momma, boys!" She laughed as her new, real Bedtime Buddies… Tounguebeetle, Lickalottapuss and the Drildobird… all obediently followed her into the bedroom.

11

Ron scowled into the phone, not believing the blow off he was getting. "Kim, I may not be the sharpest screendoor in the shed, but if you don't want to go out, just say so and don't give me some ridiculous line about having hot flashes!"

"But it's true," Kim protested, watching another cloud of steam rise from beneath her bed sheets where a certain villain was proving that there were some things she was sooo definitely not green at!

12

"So, as you see, masturbating the way you are now is good and healthy for you, and there should be no shame in pleasuring yourself, even when there is another person in the room like there is now," the psychiatrist coaxed convincingly.

"Are you SURE you're a licensed therapist," Kim gasped breathily, her fingers deep inside herself, having not yet recognized that Dr. Lettie Yursef Go was actually Shego under a holo-disguise or that the lamp on the end table closest to her widely spread legs was actually a video camera that was currently shooting what would soon become the most notorious sex tape in the history of the internet.

13

With a puzzled look, Kim picked up and examined the rumpled chef's pants her exhausted husband had left lying at the foot of the bed when he'd staggered in last night from his late shift at the diner. "Ron… why is there a potato in your pocket, and where's Rufus?"

Bolting upright out of the bed with an expression of pure horror, Ron began screaming. "Don't open the potato salad… DON'T OPEN THE POTATO SALAD!"

14

Tara smiled like the cat eating the canary as she let Ron's throbbing member slide slowly out of her mouth, then skillfully finished him off with her left hand until her entire face had been given a glistening monkey master juice facial. "Okay, now that that's done, can you come show me how to do this trigonometry problem?"

Ron looked down in amazement, but honesty got the better of him and he had to make sure... "Um, Tara, you DO know that when you asked me if I could tutor you, what I SAID was that I'd be glad to do it as long as I could come over to your PLACE…"

15

"It's at times like this that one really appreciates the value of team work," Kim Possible sighed, readjusting her sweat-drenched and steaming naked body so that she could both fan her glistening inner possibilities AND motion for another round in the same economical motion.

"Go Team Possible," a spent and exhausted Ron gasped weakly as the last man standing… Rufus wearing one of Big Mike's custom-made condoms as a full-body poncho… advanced upon the target past the nude, satiated and unconscious bodies of Wade, a strap-on wearing Shego, Hego, The Wegos, the entire Middleton MadDogs offensive line and cheer squad, Mr. Barkin, Officer Hobbie, Will Du and… having wandered in from nearby programming for a bit of action… Jake Long, Ben10, six random GIJoes and Bullwinkle.

16

"Ach, get ti fuk yi baw bag!" Duff Killigan swore in anger as the ball he'd just sliced headed for the rough… and then the golfer was in such aggravating pain that he blacked out from the agony.

Awakening in the hospital with an empty, aching pain in his nethers that he knew would never go away, he found himself wishing as he had never wished for anything before that he hadn't convinced Dr. Drakken to build him the perfect Caddy from one of the leftover Bebes, that he hadn't had it programmed for perfect and complete obedience and to understand not just his thick Scottish dialect but actual Scottish and Scottish slang, and most, most, most, most of all that he hadn't expressed his anger using the common swear term that literally meant "Go away you scrotom!"

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_**Ye Old Legal stuff:**__ Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Rufus, Dr. Drakken, Wade Load, Mrs. Stoppable, Bonnie Rockwaller, Tara, Vinnie Wheeler, SUmo Ninja, Big Mike, Hego, Mego, the Wegos, __the Middleton MadDogs football team and cheer squad, Mr. Barkin, Officer Hobbie, Will Du,_ _Drs. Anne and James Possible, Duff Killigan, the Bebes and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…_


End file.
